What does that REALLY mean?

That pride will go away before you fall? Because if that is the case, nothing could be further from the truth, at least, not in my case, as I am sure it is for many of you as well.

I’ll tell you, I let my pride hold me back for years.  So did she.  I was too proud to call, no matter how much I wanted to.  Every time something happened, my first inclination was to pick up the phone and call and tell her.  But my pride kept me from doing it.

I thought it was the same for her. She could have called, could have come over – without him –  …but maybe she couldn’t? Maybe she did and I didn’t realize it!

I’ll never know.

It occurred to me this morning, my birthday, 6 years after she was taken from me, 8 years after she disowned me, that it was MY pride alone. Yes, she pushed me away.  Yes, she was the one who said she never wanted to hear from me again.  Yes it hurt like someone ripping my heart out of my chest with a spoon, and yes I needed to remind myself daily what she said, because every morning I woke up, I didn’t want to believe it.

But she left me a voicemail.

A voicemail I sadistically kept as an audio file on my computer. A voicemail I listened to over and over again, just to hear her voice. A voicemail I listened to this morning because I started crying, on my birthday, wishing she was here….  It was a voicemail of her singing happy birthday to me, 4 months before she died.

I never returned her call.

At the time I thought she was just trying to be hurtful, to rub salt in open wounds, maybe she was… but it is all I have now.

I could do the maybe’s; if I called her back, if we worked things out… But I can’t. I will never get answers, just more questions. But you can!

Pride Goeth Before the Fall!

If it means to let go of your pride before you fall, then do it! Because if you don’t, it will be too late and you will always regret it.

Live life to the fullest – don’t ever live with regrets. They aren’t worth it, and neither is pride.